Friday, August 26, 2011
it's so much nonsense , it's on my conscience
i feel like i'm loosing more then i've ever won and i'm ending up with none. I feel like my past is catching up with me and no matter how much i wish i did better in the past i can't change it.. it's starting to effect my future. I'm tired of feeling like i'm stuck, i'm tired of feeling like something is missing in my life, i'm tired of feeling like there's more out there for me then this atmosphere i'm in. I've always known i would "GET OUT' but not on these conditions.. i know your wondering wtf is this women talking about now? i'm planning on moving to tennessee in jan.. i've been complaining for more then half my life i've been in this earth about getting away from "my problems" and now i feel like i can stop complaining and actually make a difference cause i'm a young adult now and i have the abilities to do so now. I just wish the reasons why i want to move wasn't for those reasons. But i realized along time ago my family and my life isn't a nice story book so i just need to remove my self and move on. God put me here for a purpose and i'm going to make the best out of it no matter how hard it gets, all i can do is try. I didn't have a perfect child hood nor a perfect teen life and i'm not letting my adult hood get ruined either, I want so much for my self and maybe sometimes it might be to much, but i only live once and i truly want to make the most out of my life. I want to be someone even if it's not the most important person in the world, i just want to make it... i have to.. i see my family and all there struggles on both sides and i don't want that for my self.. it's starting to get real out here and i feel like i'm starting to break... but I AM A VERY STRONG WOMEN .. i get that from my grandmother . and i honestly think she's the reason i believe in my self.... i'm doing this for her.. i really am, i feel like everyone has always failed her and even though shes not here, she's in my heart and i'm not going to be another disappointment to her. i refuse ..not only do i want to do it for her.. i need to do it for my self .. i have to much potential not to.
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True shit Ashley. Im floating in the same boat just a different sea. I understand how you feel that's why I've been working because I support my moms. I can tell you that in all of the times I have been paid only once was I able to spend all of it just for myself. I pay for more of the bills in this apartment than my moms disability does. It is kinda sad to know that with a part time job I'm able to provide for myself more than what my parents can do. Thats why I am a young man making moves. Its cuz we have to. Not because of the money but because we have to live life to our full potential. Its not easy out here and nothing will ever be handed to you for free. You just have to know to take it for yourself and make it your own, on your own. You will have friends and family to help along the way but they can only do so much. When I was 14 I got the first glimpse on how the world truly is. But now as a 17 year old male I see why it is so cold. I think it is because of all the cold hearted people that inhabit it. Not to pour my heart out or anything but this is just how I see things compared to you. I look up to you. (well not for real) lol but you know what I mean. I have faith in you and I will be here as long as you want me to. :)
ReplyDeleteYour friend,
Julius.