it seems like its been forever since you've been gone.

some thing that im starting to do . MODELING :)

this made me chuckle.

pray.

"Even though i walk through the valle of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for you are with me." Psalms23

hmph.

love to wonder... how wonderful ths world.. is full... of b.s

i dont really care what anyone says.He makes me happy even if it's for the moment.

BOYFRIEND

whitney kasule. this is one of your best.

They say you can't turn a bad girl good. But once a good girl's gone bad.. shes gone forever.

Now you have to live with the fact that you did me wrong forever ...

good morning.. it's time to wake up :)

today is 10.10.10

well today....

he took me to the zoo.. FIRST TIME EVER!

bought me harlod :) (a stuff porcapine)

and out to dinner :)

yesterday was his birthday :)

today was a good day :)

theres no way we can be friends.

smfh! soooo the video and my voice dont match up! laggggiiinnnggg:( oh well. you get the point.

got art?

i havent given up art.. not at all. it's who i am.. i just havent did anything since before graduation.. sadly.. i just havent had the courage? to...

art is a stress reliever ... and i pour my heart into it.. always.

nowadays.. i really miss it , and i hear it calling me.. im going to answer soon.. but this time i wanna make the biggest art piece ive ever made.. so im excited..

btw .. thats not my artwork to the left.. it's beautiful though, it mainly consists of gesso .. and thats what i plan on using on this neww piece.

Judge Me Not

Judge me not by my religion, Judge me not as white or black.

Judge me by my thoughts and visions,Judge me by my plans and acts.
Judge me not by age and gender,Judge me not by looks alone.

Judge me, lover and defender,By the deeds that I condone.
The color of my skin won't show,What is hidden in my heart.

And age and sex do not bestow,Knowledge of all human arts.
Do I love? Give onto others?Do I heal, or sing, or teach?Do I learn from my life lessons?Do I practice what I preach?
Those are things that judge my soul,Those are things that judge my mind.

And at my deathbed they'll console -Or they'll punish me in kind.
~ Author Unknown ~

theres nothing worse than meeting the perfect person at the wrong time.

my cousin decided to send me my prom pics he took today. 3000 years later.

sometimes i wake up and just wonder what if?

better days will come .. i know it ..

but darling i'm tired. god is punishing me.. or maybe teaching me.

whatever it is.. my worlds upside down, i am not the person i used to be and it shows. Darling im tired. For now im standing alone and i'm hurting , but i will keep a smile.. like always . but darling im oh so tired.

Daniel by we are trees

Daniel by we are trees

the smith's

just belive it's gonna get much better.

distraction

oh.. excuse me.
i didnt mean to stare at your carmel colored lips and think about how i wished they interlocked with mine moving down .. slowly down my neck feeling my body quiver.

oh yes we are in class so let me just keep my hands in my lap and cross my legs and try not to notice how nicely you can see every ripple in your abs show through your shirt or the cutts show in your arms when you reach for that pen.

okay let me just focus my gaze on this essay thats due in about 30 mins so i dont notice your package .. that i would definitely deliver.

breathing out.

Interruption
Dear “what could have been”,
The ironic part about my situation was “your daddy knows you’re a flame “, By Sade was playing as I took my pants off and dropped them into the bin. As if it wasn’t hard enough. The scenery looked like an embalming room, it felt impossible to stay calm, and I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. The worst part was I wasn’t sure this was the right decision. The doctor came in, talked to me, which was all a blur. I put my legs up, laid back; he injected me with an anesthetic. My veins turned cold and I felt like I was in the clouds. But I only had one thing in mind and that was you. The needle went in, that’s when it became a reality. “Okay, all done”, the doctor took off his gloves and left.
All my morals went down the drain right along with what could have been, you: my child. I murdered a gift from God but I just wasn’t ready for that life time guarantee. Your father seemed like mister perfect at the time. He was my best friend and someone I trusted. One simple night can change your life, and the sad thing about it is it’s a forever kind of thing. Not something you could ever forget. Each night was like entering into hell for the first time. And where was your father? Well my best friend was probably somewhere in Washington, D.C, rolling a blunt and making a musical beat.
See I was on my own, all our laughs and smiles turned to cries and yells. Not only did I lose my self respect but I lost my best friend. Maybe because you caused me too much stress and made me appear bi- polar that I drove him away. He claimed his journey that turned into a settlement was for “you and I”, but to me I felt he fled to D.C because he was scared. Through everything I was going through, he didn’t even seem to be human anymore.
I hated you because you caused so much unnecessary chaos in my world. You were a foreign invader that I had to deport you. Then again I loved you because you were mine; you were a part of me, something to actually care for. You were the first to rob me of my peace and my sanity. Yes, you can say I’m a selfish person. If you can lay down with someone, you should be able to suffer the consequences. I wasn’t ready to suffer. I had my whole life ahead of me, and I wasn’t willing to “accidentally” give everything up that I wanted to become.
Maybe one day God will forgive me and He’ll bring you back to me when my life’s in place. But at the current time you interrupted at the wrong moment. Please don’t take it as if you were a mistake, I think of you as my life lessoned learned. Yes, I’ll take the blame for my irresponsibility. One thing about you is that I do not regret you like I used to. You’ve helped changed my life for the better. Because of you my angel, I am now a stronger person.
I apologize for the suffering I put you through while you were here. All the alcohol I tried to drown you in and the weed I inhaled to make it seem like you weren’t in existence. Cloud nine seemed to be a better place at the time. None of that hides the fact that you will forever be a part of me and I’ll never forget you my love lost.
Love Always,
“A lesson Learned”

epic nights

new life

our journey is parting , but doesn't mean it's the end.

and this is how the cookie crumbles.

my father is an abusive crack head and my mother is a bipolar bitch and i am their product.

p.s

you keep the sunshine, save me the rain

matthew

another night

wtf





omg



lol



hear no evil .see no evil. speak no evil

imani and i

3 minutes by Imani Lane

I had you for 3 minutes, and that 3 minutes, was my life.

In that 3 minutes you swore up and down that you would love me forever & I'd someday be your wife.

In that 3 minutes i thougth i found love & sacrificed everybody else, but in that 3 minutes, i sold my soul to the devil himself.

In that same damn 3 minutes, you caressed & kissed my neck, & every spot still burns I'm just glad i no longer bleed, because these are my open wounds & even though you may not see, you touch me in a way & i react unthinkably.

YES I AM ON EDGE, RIGHT NOWYOU CAN EVEN SAY HAZARDOUS, BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN PRESUMEHOW 3 MINUTESCAN DISTORTA LIFE AS MUCH.

From every kiss your lies are still wrapped around my lips & i taste ..... BITER AS HELL BECAUSE OF YOU, though i'm not going to point fingers, that was also my stupidity. Mama always said only believe what you see, & i never saw dedication from you to me., omly in that 3 minutes_ you tried to make me scream?

Just a glimpse of eye contact as my spine hit the bed chocking on my conscience as my innocence died,

you murdered me & ran away with my better half, not even leaving a thank you card for all the smiles & the laughs... THAT YOU GET OUT OF ME, WHEN I DONT EVEN FIND ANYTHING FUNNY!

My tear ducts ha ha, my first , good bye. Hollow inside i'm a weeping widow, tuck my head & just wish you were a little remorseful. Apart of me was confined in a space i was okay with , you

me out my shell & shame to say i regret this.

I REGRET YOU!

You're a skeleton i need to tomb but don't have the tools, cause you planted a seed too deep to dig up and on this life i will never give up. I'll pick the weeds before they sprout & forever will he love,

unlike his daddy, 3 sorry minutes in and out.

spooktastic

In the mean time....

meet my friends :)

"updation"(new word lol)

last night i went to my first poetry reading.. i actually had a really good time, it was filled with so many unique people with so many things to say.. it's called The Venue on 35th street. . i was thinkin maybe i should read some of my poetry hahahah .. yeah right . as shy as i am. but im pretty sure by next thrusday ill grow some balls!
on an even better note ! schools out! well for me anyway . i have no more exams. NEXT STEP IS GRADUATION! i cant wait to start my plans after this, i know that so much excitement is instore! summers here... it's about to be the BOMB. i know it is! i love the weather
only big thinng i have to do is improve my portfolio and speaking of that .. uhhh i still havent heard back from the college board about it.. WTF ARE YOU DOING ??!?!? hhaha .. but anyway . lifes great!

disappointing news: i will be attending tcc.. for some odd reason i gave in to my mothers stupid plan.. only because i was tired of listening to her mouth and besides it's not my moneyy.. guess ill jus have to wait for vcu! but im coming bby !!

something new.

Darryl:
you gotta train da mind to no care so much
ill teach you wen i get back
3:44pm
Me:
and how is that ?
3:46pm
Darryl:
you gotta start with little things that bother and intentionally doin them and ignoring them like leavin the dryer door open and leavin the clothes hangers facin in different directions
shit like dat lol
and soon da big things and emotional things will come and wont matter
3:50pm
Me:
never thought about it like that . ima try it .. but it seems like thats gnna be hard
3:50pm
Darryl:
im tellin you it works...the less you let bother you the more clearly you can make decisions on things that really matter .

by far my fav commercial.

check the hamster on the drums with the dreads. awe!

i realized some things..

At the end of the day .. all i really have is my self.. and im just fine with that .

It all started with a dream..

He stood up in front of hundreds of thousands of supporters, changed the world at that steps of the Lincoln memorial,Equality is what he wanted.

Now if he can fight so hard for what he wanted . now why can't i ? You just have to believe in your self and not let anyone bring you down..Stand up for whats right even if no one stands beside you.

Whatchu Talkin Bout Willis?

REST IN PARADISE GARY COLEMAN

February 8th, 1968 - May 28 2010

used to be a daddy's lil girl.

i miss the old days when i used to be your "princess" . Now you just dont even respect the person i'm becoming.. at least i got a chance to have known the guy you used to be.. the one that i was proud of.

sometimes things are better left unsaid.

doing things with people i dnt like is something i dont like.
i deal with a lot from the people that are closest to me. Why? because i decide to ingnore the ignorance in them and look beyond that . but maybe i shouldnt. a friend told me he thinks i let them run on top of me, and yes i agree i do at times. But most of the time i avoid saying things to them because i cant change a person, if they are selfish they are selfish, if they like to put people down to make them self appear better , then they put people down,if they think there right, then they think they are right . What can i do to change a person thats been like that more than half there life ? nothing.. nothing at all. so instead i fell sorry for them, because honestly, No one knows me better than I. and if you think other wise your a damn fool.

makes me think of what use to be.

damn. damn. i love this song.. i mean i really love this song. Chris brown is steppin up, better than before.

whats happens in one class period.

I'm a work of art, I'm a Warhol already.

8th grade

man look at me.. hahah clueless .

that new new.

i love her hair cutt.. i want it.. im going to get it like thisss ..

monday im getting my hair cutt. maybe like that?

sometime this week.. i want this done !

a little to far.

sooo.. some people do a little to much. that's just going a little to far. don't cha think? hmmm. cute.. real cute lmao.

franklin :(

i miss franklin .

i think i wanna new guinea pig now..

where do i fit into this?

sometimes i feel as if i am.... so if i feel i am.. i must be ? hahahah odd ball.. hope i dnt pick up their traits when i become older.. ohh lord thats all we need. another darryl and maria tied into one.. smh.

question is..

what's the difference between being ignorant and not letting someone get away with something?

i have trouble with this..

Othello

"Men are all stomachs and women are all but food; They eat us hungerly, and when they are full .. They belch us"

somethings change.

i miss seeing your name come up as an incoming call ;therefore i miss your voice.
_good night.. tomorrow shall be a long day .

i missed him .

omg.. this video.. damn chris damn... now this was already a good song but this video is even better .. like WOWWWWWWW. did you see all that ? mmmmmmmmmmmmm...soo my secret dream of becoming a video girl.. just got bigger. lol

miss Lauryn Noel Hill

Happy Birthday

born may 25th 1975 !

amazing talent, beautiful, and very intelligent. another gift to the world.

bam!

omg.. when i watched this.. i almost died of laughter.. did you see her face when she got up? hahahahahahahaaha. boy oh boy.

on 2 something new.

okay! so. i have kindah big news.. well to me it's big.
soo remember last night i said i was going to watch criminal minds.. well it wasnt on "( BUT! i was flipping through the channels.. and you know the channels that no one watches.. like local channels i guess.. well i stopped on one.. (Which was not normal for me) and make a difference caught my eye.. i don't know if i said something about it before but i decorated this butterfly for our school (mr kirby(art teacher) picked me to do it) soo i did it.. kind of bull shitted a little to be honest but anyway back to the topic. there it was! my butterfly right there.. on the table.. on tv. i light up... i was like whoaaa thats mine.. then they showed a couple of them.. and mine was one of them my name and school was up there.. to me this is a big step up.. to something bigger.

when i become a detective i hope my partner looks just like him.

Shemar Moore (i do )

need i say more? he's on crimnal minds .. boy oh boy. love that show. about to go watch it now. good night. ")

top 5 ignorant things today.

1. " ugh..i dont like that girl", "why?" "because her weave always be fucked up, i just wanna slap it off her head." "oh."


2. me : i have this guy in my phone as (dont answer) .. he texts me all the time.. i tell him off all the timeee. and today he sends me a text saying "whats up sweetie what you been doing?" and then his picture with it.. ew. leave me alone for the last time.

3. dr.elliot.. basically called me a hoe today hahaha." that dress is boarder line." "yeah .. i know"
"do you have any respect for your self.. you dnt own tights? " (man oh man did i wanna be a smart ass) " hahaha yes i actually do.. my mother didnt find anything wrong with it, and yes i do own tights.. but that wouldnt have looked right with this. sorry . " " well your mother doesnt go to school with you and she is not your peers and im pretty sure your peers think other wise"
"okay .. well thats cool if they do.. well.. oh well.. i guess ill fit in with all those mini girls you let by. so are we done?"
i dont like her.

4. george goes "tell them to shut up" "uh why" "because there singing and talking about nothing." " no one complains when you try to spit game and talk about nothing and besides there not hurting anybody"

5.if i care about what people didnt like .. i would call you in the morning before i got dressed. Some peoples opinions need to be kept to them selves. you know .. the unnecessary ones? you know.. the ones that know one gives a damn about.. and by saying them they wasted 2.5 seconds of their breath and your time..
hahaha yeahh just saying .. i dnt feel like getting into that one.

i need to open that locket.

prom 2010.

you've got my heart tied in a knot and my stomach in a whirl.

sometimes i feel like i dont know where we stand but i know whats ever underneath us it has a strong ground.

ive found a new fav.

NEVER SHOUT NEVER = love !

photoshoot.

Oh there been times that i thought i couldnt last for long.

but now i think i'm able to carry on.

It's been a long , a long time coming

but i know change gonna come, oh yes it will.

this question still stands.

DITA

VON

TEESE

WHO IS SHE ?

well....

lets start by her real name which is: Heather Renée Sweet

Dita Von Teese (born September 28, 1972) is an American burlesque artist, model, and actress.[1]
She began performing burlesque in 1993, and typically incorporates a large martini glass as the signature feature in her shows. Fascinated by 1940s Hollywood cinema, Von Teese is noted for her glamorous appearance and classic retro style, largely inspired by Betty Grable, and pin-up model Bettie Page.

i'd hit lol.